F.C. Portland Academy

Even though I’ve watched dozens of games, I’m by no means an expert when it comes to recognizing an offsides call or determining the appropriateness of a yellow card.

If I’m not sure when the violation should be called, then how can the officials be sure about the call? Yet, when bad calls are directed towards the team I am rooting for – I often believe that I am “authorized” to complain. This is where a friend of mine, who happens to be a soccer referee, comes into play.

This friend of mine - who shall remain anonymous for security reasons - has officiated soccer games from the U-8 level to the high school championships to adult leagues. It’s fair to say that we have our gripes about the officials in any sport. So, in the spirit of fair-play, here are a few gripes from one official - who I think speaks for many officials - about parents on the sidelines:

1. Officials do miss calls.

Yes, it’s true. They are human just like you and me. They make mistakes, but it’s not because they’re trying to make a mistake. The game is happening fast, especially as the level and speed of the game increases. And, they don’t have the benefit of instant replay.

It’s okay if you don’t like a call, and it’s even okay to complain about it once or twice. But after that, it gets very old, very fast. Officials don’t need to hear you whining deep into the second half about a call that occurred seconds after the kick-off. Once the call is made, it’s over. Have you ever seen an official change a call because of a parent complaint?

2. Remember that parents are role models.

Still whining about that call? What message are you sending to the kids? As a parent, do we want to send the message to the kids that we’re not mentally strong enough to overcome adversity?

What we should be communicating to our kids is not allowing tough calls or adverse situations to break their focus, which should be on the game. Because when we continue to complain, it’s a distraction. Distractions can cause problems on the pitch.

When kids make a mistake on the field, the coach will tell them to forget about it and play on. Parents should do the same.

3. Give the younger officials a break.

I’ve noticed that some of the officials at our games are likely teenagers. They get paid something like $35 a game and many of them do it because they love the game and are trying to learn more about the game from a different perspective. How do we really guarantee that referees are of the highest quality? Keep them in the game – let them grow and learn.

What these kids don’t need is someone giving them the business and vilifying them over a perceived bad or missed call. The more that these types of critical actions are part of accepted behavior, the fewer quality referees there will be.

My friend says that it’s okay to hold the more veteran officials to a higher standard, but the young ones? Come on. Lighten up on them. We should be thankful these kids are willing to sacrifice their time to help our kids develop as players and individuals.

4. Looking for a way to become famous inside the world of club soccer? Just keep yelling.

My friend has informed coaches that it’s their responsibility to keep parents under control. If coach cannot control the parents, the referee may ask the parent to leave the premises.

Do you really want to be known as the “parent from…?” The obnoxious parent who simply couldn’t control his/her behavior, using language that would make a drunken sailor blush? That’s not what we’re about, people.

5. Not all contact is a foul.

Depending on the age, referees look for who has the advantage and what effect the contact may have and/or change of possession. More contact is generally allowed as players get older and level of play increases. Fouls can be called for reckless or excessive force, EVEN IF a defensive player touches the ball. Another thing - and this is standard for most sports games - the officials tend to favor the more aggressive team, not the one that’s playing constant defense.

My friend implores all soccer parents to read a rule book and also a book titled, “Advice to Referees on the Laws of the Game,” which he refers to as the soccer referee’s “Bible.”

6. Where’s the love for the officials?

Offering a little praise to the officials occasionally is not a violation of OYSA rules. Sure, the officials may miss a call or two, but most of the time, they get it right and they’re doing the best they can for a small amount of money. They’re officiating because they love the game and want to give something back to the players and the game.

Seven words forever changed my sideline behavior while watching my son and daughter participate in sports.

“Dad, why are you yelling so much?” my son asked me.

Ouch. What a sobering question to ask a devoted father dedicated to watching his children develop in the world of sports. The question stung and jolted me back to reality, which is - that the goal for the kids should be to enjoy and learn the game. Hearing their parents yelling, complaining or otherwise causing some kind of verbal ruckus on the sideline can make those twins goals much harder to reach.

The question began a fundamental change in my sideline demeanor that continues to evolve.

As a parent of a son playing soccer, I have become more involved than ever in the world of soccer. From the World Cup, to the Premiership to the “Fox Soccer Channel” and “Gol TV,” soccer is one of my favorite sports to watch and follow. Of course, that certainly qualifies me as an expert on the game, doesn’t it? There was a time _ not too long ago, in fact _ that I viewed myself as somewhat of an authority.

There I was, yelling on the sidelines, trying to tell my son what he should and shouldn’t be doing during the game.

I would be running my mouth at my kid, distracting him from what he should be doing, which is concentrating on the game. Let’s face it, by the time he hears what I have said and he processes that information, the play is long gone and he’s on to the next situation. Can you imagine his feelings towards me if something negative _ allowing a game-winning goal _ happened while he was listening to me bellowing from the sidelines?

My son would be angry with me for days, maybe weeks…maybe years.

Not only can yelling at the players be distracting, it’s likely confusing. My son has quickly corrected me when I’ve offered suggestions about how he could “improve” as a player on those post-game drives back home. Occasionally, the reply has been that my suggestions directly contradict what the coach has told him.

“Oh really?” I might ask sarcastically. “And what does that coach know about my soon-to-be World Cup star player anyway?”

“Uh, well, he has played in college and professionally,” comes the reply.

My experience? Two consecutive selections to the “All-Parent” team to play in the annual FC Portland “Parents vs. Players” game (the Parents were short a couple of bodies).

Humbled, I’ve learned to make more of an effort to remain quiet. I still have my moments, but those yells are reserved more for team encouragement, with the emphasis on encouragement.

I certainly enjoy watching the kids on the team play, learn about each other, develop chemistry and improve. One of the ways we as parents can help our children grow as a player, athlete and person is to exercise restraint – and to begin to learn what true encouragement sounds like - when it comes out of our mouth.

In addition to his professional writing at the Oregonian, Geoffrey Arnold is a parent and new student of the Positive Coaching Alliance Program. His Touchline articles will appear regularly during the season at fcportland.org.